Death Paper
by wolflink93
Summary: funny parody me and my friend made.Ryuk was writing some stuff down in his second Death Paper, which looked like a whole bunch of papers stapled together. When he was finished writing, he tossed it down the hole into the human world, screaming “BASINGAAA!
1. Chapter 1:episode 1: Research

**DEATH PAPER Written by Renodin & Wolflink93**

**A Myth Labs Production**

**A Basinga Production**

**A parody of Death Note**

**Weeeeeeeeeee!**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note. But we do own a chip bag.**

* * *

Episode 1:

The Death Paper

Ryuk was bored looking down into the human world. (YEAH!!!!) All of his Shinigami buddies were gambling over by a rock, betting the same money over and over, and playing the same child's card game over and over, and one Shinigami cheating, over and over.

"Hey, Ryuk, get over here and play with us! Stop looking down that hole! You pervert!" One of them said.

"But one of these "humans" is watching the Playboy channel! I can't stop watching now!" Ryuk stated. But, he wasn't really watching the Playboy channel. He was writing some stuff down in his second Death Paper, which looked like a whole bunch of papers stapled together. When he was finished writing, he tossed it down the hole into the human world, screaming "BASINGAAA!"

* * *

"Yagami Light, translate this sentence into Japanese, please." The teacher said.

"Hell no, I speak English! (This is OUR fanfic, so just SHUT THE HELL UP!)I don't even speak Japanese, and this is _English _class, anyway!" Light snapped.

"….Excellent point, Light! A+ again!" The teacher said. Everyone began clapping, and Light decided to look out the window. He saw a notebook falling from the sky in slow motion, completely defying gravity!

_That book has to have some form of magical qualities and wonders._ Light thought to himself. _Maybe a 'magazine'._ He added in his thoughts. Then suddenly, he started to have trouble breathing. His breath was inhaling and exhaling uncontrollably!

"My esophagus is acting up! A storm's a-coming!" Light said with a Jeff Foxworthy accent.

"Well, you are such a good student, just go home and watch TV, maybe the Myth Labs Channel, or Adult Swim, (YEAH! ANIME!)Or perhaps Nick at Night. (wooo! Fresh Prince of Shinjuku!)" The teacher ordered. Everyone clapped as Light left the room.

Light left the room and slammed the door shut behind him. "WHORES!" Light exclaimed very loudly to the class. Some other student popped out of a tile in the floor.

"That's why you're #1 Light!" The boy said in a fanboyish accent, then ducking down.

"I'm not gay you idiot! And that's a message to all you faggots who thought me and L had something! I don't even know who that is yet! But I know it's wrong! Ohhhh, I do!" Light said, pointing to a conviently placed cameraman. "Where did you come from?" Light asked the man.

"Just go along with it, foo!" The man said. Light nodded and did a pimp walk out of the school. _Yeah, I'm sooooooooooo gangsta' and pimpin'! That's right, I'm da pimp! _He thought to himself as he walked, wondering why all his thoughts were converted to writing.

He kicked the doors open with authority like an FBI agent and went outside, jumping and frolicking. "DON'T JUDGE ME!" He yelled into the air. He then walked over to where the strange object had fallen, defying the laws of gravity. He slowly and dramatically stepped over to it. Slowly, he reached down with his hand slowly. Oh, so slowly. (Yeah, too sexy!) He touched it, and he felt a rush of electricity flow through him. He dropped the book and turned around.

"Damn it, Larry! Stop doing that!" He said to his imaginary friend. He reached back down and picked up the poorly put together sheets of torn paper.

"Deeetha Peeparey…." He said, attempting to read. He opened it up and looked at the inside cover.

"Any human whose name is written within these sheets of paper shall surely die….or at least we think they will. When writing, you must write their full names, excluding middle names. You must have their face in mind when writing their name, so people with the same name will not be affected. If the cause of death is not specified within 40 seconds of writing the name, that person will die of food poisoning. If they haven't eaten any food that day, they will eat any object they can chew. If the cause of death _is _written, then you have six minutes and 40 seconds to right any details. The cause of death must be something possible and logical, or else a Death Clown will rape you. The Death Paper will not work on those who are under the age of 780 days. The Death Paper will have no effect on clowns. Except Shinigamis can kill clowns, though. (Clowns are fun!)

Light suddenly stopped breathing when he heard the word 'Shinigami'. He dropped the book and began to twitch uncontrollably. He turned around.

"Damn it Larry!" He yelled. He picked up the book again. _This must be a prank. _He thought. _Or some form of sexual torture. I dunno which is which anymore, ever since that party with Ferchini last week. _Then, a man came out of a bush.

"It's Alfredo, you dick!" The man yelled in a French accent, only to dissolve into dust. Light put the notebook in his pocket and ran home in the rain.

When he walked in the door, his mom walked up to him, wearing nothing but an outfit of a sandwich.

"Yo, my homie G poptart grandma!" She greeted him.

"Hey, my cherry stroodle bitch!" He said back. They tried to give each other a high five, but hit each other in the face accidentally. Light walked up to his room, where he was greeted by his sister, who was wearing nothing but an Oreo costume.

"Bru….bru…..brutter! I can't…..breathe…." She strained.

"Hey, hey, hey, heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy! You wanted that costume for Weasel Stomping Day last year, and you're gonna wear it!" Light scolded her. But, she didn't hear. She was rolling on the ground, drooling uncontrollably. Light walked into his room and closed and locked the door behind him. He walked over to his computer and closed out all the porn.

He turned on the TV and changed it to the news. There was an Elvis Impersonator Rapist with a LASER!

"His name is Derrick George Panty Hose the 5th of the French Line!" The news reporter exclaimed like a sexy little schoolgirl. "He has taken 65 hostages and stolen 86 hot dogs!" She added.

"Time to test this Deeeetha Peeperay with this guy! Hold on to your diapers, babies!" He yelled. He pulled out the notebook and began writing. _Derrick George Panty Hose the 5__th__ of the French Line._ After writing it, he swung his hand in the air dramatically, and the cameraman zoomed in on his hand as all the lights temporarily turned red for the drama. "What the hell" Light exclaimed loudly. But Light just shrugged his shoulders and continued on to counting.

"36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, forty……what comes next? Oh well, he didn't die! What a load of bull ice cream!" He said, standing up so fast he knocked over his chair. Then he looked at the TV. There was a recording of the criminal. He suddenly dropped his gun and looked around. He ran over to a painting on the wall of the Mona Lisa and began to chew on the paper. He swallowed it whole. He began to laugh maniacally. Then, he fell over onto his side and began to have a seizure. He drooled everywhere, and soon died.

"Basinga! Wtf was that? No, no. This… This has to be a coincidink! (Coincidence for those city slickers!)" Light thought to himself. "I have to test this once more." He said to his pillow. He zipped up his fly and buttoned his pants and ran out the door. _That was one sexy schoolgirl! _He thought as he ran over his sister's unconscious body.

He ran to a comic store and stood inside waiting for a crime to happen. He looked out the window and saw some other schoolgirl walking down the street._What is up with all these schoolgirls in these anime shows? There are so many of them wearing hardly anything at all, while every guy is always dressed in some metal suit of armor! And then the female knight will have a bra made of metal and some steel panties and nothing else! How the hell is she supposed to be protected? I mean seriously, this is the real world, I mean come on! _He thought realizing he should button his pants when in public. "Don't tell anyone about this, Larry!" Light yelled to his side. He continued to watch the schoolgirl. Soon, some bikers dressed in panties (what!?) came driving around her. "

"Hey, can you give me directions?" A biker asked. The schoolgirl made her clothes look tattered quickly and fell to the ground and screamed.

"RAPE!" Light stood up and punched a kid sitting close to him. He began writing the people's names in his notebook (how did he know their names? I dunno daytime television?)And looked at them. They were all staring at her, smoking their pencils. Then suddenly, they all dropped their stuff and got off their bikes. They looked around and ran in separate directions, taking ice cream from teenage dating couples. They began to rub the cream in the mold of a tree, and then ate it, getting food poisoning. They all laughed maniacally and started to choke. They all fell down except one, who began to twirl around and screaming. He coughed up his liver and spleen and fell down, dead. They were all dead. The schoolgirl got up and put her clothes back on. She stole one of their bikes, loosened her shirt a little bit and drove off, yelling "To Hooker School!". She was never, _EVER _seen again. Except at your local bar and library.

"Alright. This notebook does have powers. Time to end this episode." Light said while he was beating up the kid he punched earlier, for reasons he didn't even understand.

A kid from another aisle in the store popped his head above the shelf.

"That's why you're #1, Light!" He yelled. Light stood up, gave a thumbs up to the cameraman, smiled, winked, and said "Believe it!" The background around him suddenly changed into a cartoony explosion color. The screen soon closed over him.

* * *

**Renodin: AWAIT THE NEXT EPISODE, YOU ANIME GEEKS!**

**Wolflink93: AND PLEASE REVIEW******


	2. Chapter 2:episode 2:Congress

Episode 2

The Second Episode

By Wolflink93 and Renodin.

"talking"

_thoughts_

_Disclaimer: we don't own death note but we do own 1 year old cottage cheese_

* * *

"Well, I'm gonna go down to the human world now." Ryuk told the other Shinigamis. 

"We don't care!" They all yelled. Almost shedding a tear, Ryuk left. He jumped down the hole to the human world (what a pervert!).

* * *

Light was at his computer, when he heard a noise behind him. He quickly zipped up his pants and looked behind him. He saw a strange thing! It was Michael Jackson! 

"OW!" Michael yelled. Light wrote down MJ's name quickly and silently. While Michael Jackson was dancing, he soon stopped to start chewing on Light's shirt. He bit a piece off and died of food poisoning. Light turned around and unzipped his pants, only to zip them back up when he heard ANOTHER noise. He turned around only to see a monster-like thing! It had wings, a black shirt, pale face, skull necklace, and words on the back of his pants that say "crumpets and all that".

"Who….who….who are you……Shinigami? Or are you Santa Clause?" Light asked.

"I'm Ryuk and what not." Ryuk said, becoming shocked. "Oh lord, what is wrong with my voice and all that? Wtf is going on, what what?" He started questioning himself in a British accent.

"What are you doing here? Are you my conscience?" Light asked.

"No, and what not. Cherrio, my name is Ryuk and the like. I'm a Shinigami from the Shinigami realm, tea and crumpets eh. You own my Death Paper and what not, so I'm just going to stalk you cuz I am bored like that." Ryuk told Light, making a grunt that sounded like a cross between a cow and a platypus.

"What the hell is a 'death paper'? All I have is a Deeeetha Peeperay." Light said.

"You aren't as smart as your transcripts show, what what!" Well you know the rules of the book, so I'm just gonna watch you go around and laugh when you forget to zip up your pants. Really, you need to stop that and the like." Ryuk commanded.

"Shut up, Spongebobs on!" Light yelled, throwing a can opener at Ryuk, only to see it go through his body. He grabbed the remote and switched the TV to channel 16. He began to watch.

"I need me, like, like, 60,000 krappy patties in like, all like 50 seconds little square dood!" Said Mr.Krabs.

"BASINGAA! THIS IS AWSOME!" Light yelled randomly out of nowhere.

"Get out of my face, yo! Krabs don't deserve their krapp-ay patt-ays! I'm so gangsta', yo! Pimp out!" Spongebob yelled, pulling out a pistol.

"We interrupt this program to bring you a NEWS FLASH. It seems that Larrett Melsass, the principle at the school a young boy name Yagami Light goes to, has been accused of touching the shoulder of a sexy little schoolgirl. He is now being chased by cops." A news reporter stated like a sexy little schoolgirl.

"You'll never catch me you poo poos, I mean po pos!" The man yelled. Light watched fascinated.

"This bastard deserves to be killed RIGHT NOW!" Light said. As he reached for his note book, he accidentally sat on the remote, changing the channel.

"ALL RIGHT! TWO AND A HALF MEN!" Light said loudly, starting to watch.

"I took those blue vitamins, ya know, the ones with the little V's on them!" The little 10 year old boy said.

"MWUHAHAHAHAHA! That is sooooo funny!" Light yelled. Suddenly, there was a knock at Light's door. His sister walked in wearing a Mountain Dew Can Costume.

"Can I sleep in your room tonight, Light? I had a dream that Grandma tried to kill me again." She said. Just then, an old lady walked into the room holding a knife. Everyone started to scream.

"Who wants cake?" She asked. Light's sister started screaming with glee as she and the old lady rolled down the stairs.

"In the midst of all this freaky weird stuff going down here in da hood, I think it might be time to **get serious**. At least a little." Light said. Immediately, the entire world gasped. Even the people on the moon did. It took about ten minutes for the long gasp to end, and afterward, Light realized that he needed to zip up his pants again.

"Alright, Ryuk, It's time for me to do something other than reminding myself to zip up my pants every ten minutes. It's time for girls to stop yelling RAPE when a fly lands on their food. It's time for those sexy school girls to keep their virginity. It's time for my family to stop dressing like food! It's time to get a plot into this stupid piece of text we call a story! And I want a shocky monkey!" Light stated. He turned his face toward his TV. He switched it to the News Channel.

"Sonner Femaster is on the run from the cops after he threw a can on the ground. Remember, his name is Sonner Femaster!" A news reporter said like a sexy schoolgirl. The TV showed in slow motion Sonner dropping a can. All the lights went dark blood red.

"That man is a TRUE criminal. He deserves to DIE!" Light said to himself. "And why the hell does this keep on happening with the lights!?" He added.

Light pulled out his notebook and while very dramatic music played he very dramatically wrote down Sonner Femaster! He then looks at the TV. After 40 seconds Sonner stopped running. He picked up the can he had dropped and began to chew on it. He laughed maniacally, and then fell down, dead.

* * *

After about a week, Light had already killed a few hundred criminals, some people thought it was all coincidink that bad people were dying of food poisoning, and some people thought it was the work of a savior, they named Kira. All because of the strange deaths the FBI (Federal Butts Incorporated) came to Japan. 

Individually many people tried to find and capture Kira, but they all failed. So, along with Light's father, the FBI and some Japanese police joined together and had a meeting to formulate a plan to catch their prey. Light's father, entered the meeting room dressed in a nacho basket costume with real oozing and dripping cheese.

"As one we are weak against Kira, like a puny twig. But together, we are strong like a mighty faggot!" (Faggot- a bundle of sticks used for fuel) Soichiro, Light's father stated.

"I wanted a toy with my might kid's meal!" Matsuda the 10 year old detective griped.

"Whoever can solve this mystery? Is this all coincidink, or is there really a person killing wanted criminals? We need some form of super detective to solve this mystery." The guy with the afro said. Just then, a giant robot wearing a monocle and a sombrero walked into the room.

"It is I, Optimus Pr… I mean… Billy the super detective!" The thing said nervously.

"I was being sarcastic." The afro guy said.

"…okay…" Billy said leaving.

"L-is-al-rea-dy-on-the-case-fuck!" an old man said, with a strange cough.

"L? The famous detective or the rapper?" The afro guy asked. Just as he asked that, a man jumped into the room forming two L's with his hands.

"L!" he yelled, jumping out

"The-det-ect-ive-fuck." The cloaked man answered.

"Where is he?" The afro guy asked.

"Where is he not?" Matsuda answered. The afro guy's face changed as a gust of wind blew his hair around, and you could hear a Native American flute playing in the background.

"I need my Dr. Pepper." Matsuda said angrily. He started sipping from a bendy straw. The afro guy went over to him and grabbed his head and slammed it down into the cup causing Matsuda to choke on the straw.

"DRINK IT!!!" Afro guy yelled.

"L-is-al-rea-dy-on-the-case-uh-fu-qh!" The man said coughing

"Let's get some samiches!" Matsuda screamed out.

"wait-L-is-com-ing-on-to-the-scre-en-fuck." The mystery man said. Before long a big white blotch of goo appeared on the screen.

"I forgot to get that cleaned after yesterday's party with Ferchinie." Soichiro stated.

"It's Alfredo, you dick!" A man with a French accent said popping up from behind the couch, dissolving into dust. After Alfredo left, a huge backwards L appeared on the screen. A muffled and modified voice spoke from the speaker.

"Hey my peeps! I am L! I'll come tell you your mission but first I'll BRB homies!" L said, everyone could still hear L.

"Okay hoes, you gotta go! You ain't gotta go home but you gotta get the hell outta here!" L yelled.

"Okay I'm back! Now, I believe Kira is in Kanto region of Japan, so I request the help of the Japanese police"

"Awwww why?" the Japanese police said with a whiny tone.

"Because you touch yourself at night" L said.

"Now to find out that Kira is in Japan tonight I will be airing a TV show, so watch the TV show you nerds! I also think he is a student, again, the TV show! Alright, now for the mission thingy, don't do anything. I'll take care of all of it. Just watch channel….. 6, at….. 6 o'clock." L said. The screen shut off.

* * *

Light was at home (weeeeeeee!) watching Spongebob. His mother and sister were dressed like bottles of ketchup and mustard. Suddenly, there was a newsflash, with NO SEXY SCHOOLGIRLS! A man named Lind L. Tailor walked onto the screen, calling himself L. "This is a worldwide broadcast I am L. Well, there is a lot of crap I probably should say, but I'll make a long story short. KIRA, I am here to say that what you are doing……. IS EVIL HOE!" Lind screamned, The lights grew red again, Light's eyes grew wide. 

"Ohh no you didn't! Oh IT"S ON!" Light said. He pulled out his death paper and wrote down Lind L. Tailor ).

He watched the screen. Lind was just picking his nose when he suddenly put the booger in his mouth. He laughed manically and died! Then the screen changed to a backwards L.

"KIRA that was a fake L. And I know you are in Kanto region, as this was ONLY BROADCASTED IN KANTO! I'll get you HOE! I will because…" Light started to talk as well

"No you ain't because for I am…"

"PIMPIN!" L and Light yelled at the same time.

* * *

Wolflink93: there might not be a chapter next week since its thanksgiving break and i won't be able to see Renodin very often so await the next episodes... NERDS!!!!!!!! 

Renodin: Criticism is wanted so just click that review button and post somethin.


	3. Chapter 3:episode 3:Dimples

Chapter 3

Episode 3

By Wolflink93 and Renodin

"talking"

_thoughts_

**Disclaimer: We don't own death note but we do own…nothing…dang government!**

* * *

"Make your move, Matsuda." Afro guy told him.

"You've sure got me pinned in a corner, but I will return back to power." Matsuda said.

"Your destiny is mine, Matsuda! I will put you out of your misery!" Afro guy said. In slow motion, Afro guy held out his gun and pointed it out. He pulled the trigger and…

THE DUCK ON THE SCREEN DIED!

"I suck at Duck Hunt!" Matsuda yelled, throwing his gun at the NES.

"Perhaps you should have thought of that before you challenged me! Now pay up!" Afro guy commanded.

"What is your name?" Matsuda asked.

"I'll never tell!" Afro guy said in a sarcastic voice.

* * *

"Well, who should I kill next, Ryuk?" Light asked.

"Your mom, and all that!" Ryuk answered, cracking up in laughter. Light just stared at him with a weird look. Ryuk slowly stopped laughing.

"I'm bored. Lets go egg some houses!" Light said excited. "This will become some odd and humorous adventure, I'm sure of it!" He added. Light ran to his kitchen, grabbed a carton of eggs, put on a black leather jacket, and then quickly put on some sun glasses, saying "Groovy". His sister walked in, dressed up like an over done taco, with oozing cheese.

"What is so groovy, bu bu?" She asked him.

"First of all, it's none of your philly steaking business! And two, don't call me bu bu, call me Supreme Overlord Master of the Universe!" Light told her. He pushed her to the ground, where she rolled around, pitifully attempting to get up. Light kicked down his front door like an FBI agent hobo. He walked across the street allllll the way to his neighbor's house. He opened up the carton of eggs and held one in his hand.

"This is for living next to me, you transvestite monkeys!" Light yelled as he threw the egg. He began throwing more until the owner came out.

"Hey, little hoe! What are you doing?" The man asked like a sexy little schoolgirl. As Light zipped up his pants, he threw an egg at her…I mean him. He ran inside crying, and a boy in a ball cap popped out of a trash can near Light.

"That's why you're #1, Light!" The fanboy yelled. Light threw an egg at the idiot.

"I'll worship this egg!" The fan boy yelled. "I'll name you Egg Light!" The boy said, going back down into the can. Light soon almost shed a tear because he ran out of eggs. Ryuk tapped Light on the shoulder.

"Light, I think you have a stalker again, but this time, it ain't a fan boy, it's a man, what what!" Ryuk stated with apple crumbs in his teeth. "Oi" Ryuk added.

* * *

"We got somewhere around 4,000 phone calls from people about Kira. Most of them were just curious citizens, but some of them claimed to either be Kira or have seen him. 21 people said they were Kira, but they were so stupid on the phone, we can tell they are lying. Such immature little nerds." One of the police said at the meeting between Matsuda, Soichiro, Afro Guy, the Cloaked man, and a bunch of other police.

"Maybe we should shoot phone spiders through the phone lines so they eat the idiots who claim to be Kira… or ask me if I have Prince Albert in a can!" Matsuda suggested.

"Why don't we just nuke Japan?" Afro guy asked, sarcastically.

"That would be horrible! Gosh, you're so stupid! How could you even suggest..? Gosh! Dang, man, we would be put in prison! MAN!" Matsuda yelled.

"Well, let's just get to the point. We have L tell us what to do next, because we obviously cannot think for ourselves." Soichiro said. They all agreed and saw a big backwards L appear on the big glass screen. A muffled voice came out of the cloaked man's laptop.

"Yo, my homies! I got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is I have another idea who Kira might be. The bad news is that since I have spent sooo much money on hookers, I need to save some cash. So, half of you will not receive a paycheck, and the other half will have a deduction in their pay." L told them. Everyone in the room said a cuss word at the same time, though nobody is sure which word it was. It gave three people heart burn!

"Alright. Based on the times of death, I can deduct that Kira may be, in fact, a striper." L said. Everyone gasped. "Stripers only work in the afternoon, right?" L asked. Then everyone heard some paper shuffling. "Woops, sorry, it appears that my foster parents work at night, not afternoon. So, my other theory is that Kira is, in fact, a STUDENT." L said, emphasizing the word STUDENT. Everyone looked at Matsuda.

"Hey, don't look at me, I dropped out of preschool! I can't even spell my own name!" Matsuda told them, nervously.

"How did you get a job here, then?" Afro guy asked.

"I'm uhhh, just filling in… no, I mean, I… I… who wants free Chinese?" Matsuda asked, trying to cover up. Three police men came up to him with baseball bats.

"TRAITOR! Japanese people don't eat Chinese food! We BURN IT, and the people who EAT IT!" One of them said. Matsuda gulped and got ready to learn. We'll skip this part, because after writing it and showing it to people, four out of the five people who read it died of a heart attack after reading how gruesome this moment was. So, let's just say that Matsuda and the police had tea, and Matsuda slipped on some… red orange juice, and broke his spine, and then accidentally shot his eye out with his Red Rider Bee Bee gun. Don't worry, he'll be back.

They talked for a while, and then they were open for questions. Three police went up to Soichiro and asked to resign.

"Why? Well, I guess I understand. You fear you will be killed by the supernatural powers of Kira. Well, go on." Soichiro told them.

"Actually, we are going to be put into prison for beating Matsuda… I mean having tea with him. We have to resign." The police said. As they walked out the door, one of them stayed behind. He gave everyone the finger and walked out.

"There goes a true hero." Afro guy said.

* * *

"So how long has this man been following me?" Light asked, walking down the street.

"Eh, not sure and all that. About a few hours, what what." Ryuk answered.

"Well, I'll just have to mess with his mind." Light said, grinning. Light turned around and walked toward where his stalker should have been. He looked around. He heard something around the corner of a dumpster. He looked over toward it and saw a naked man run across the street. Then he saw his stalker; a cloaked man by a street light. Then, the cloaked man faded away.

"Damn it, Larry! Stop doing that!" Light yelled. He looked around and this time he saw him, his real stalker _ugh he's ugly he deserves to die! _ Light thought to himself in disgust.

"What's your name, mister? I want to kill you!" Light said.

"Are you Kira or something?" The man asked.

"Uhh… no." Light answered.

"Well, I guess you wouldn't lie to me, YAGAMI LIGHT!" The man said. His words echoed in the distance, causing birds to crap out their internal organs. They began to stare each other down. The camera zoomed in on Light and the street lights went red. The camera zoomed in on the stalker, and the Mario Overworld Song began to play from the streetlights.

"I challenge you to a duel, stalker! Which style do you want to do? Texas? Hawaii? Alaska? Texas Hold 'em?" Light asked.

"I think you know what type I want." The stalker said.

* * *

"No fair, it's cheap to grapple all the time!" The stalker said. He was wearing a mask so he was still unknown. They were playing Super Smash Brothers Melee in Light's basement.

"BASINGAAAA!" Light screamed as his character, Mewtwo, clobbered the stalker's character, Mr. Game and Watch. The stalker threw his controller onto the concrete floor, and then kicked the gamecube, hurting his toe and not the console. The gamecube twinkled with power.

"You know what, Light? I'll see you again… SOME OTHER TIME! Like on a bus, or on a subway, or on the street. BYE!" The stalker yelled as he jumped out the window, without opening it. Light walked up to his room where Ryuk was reading a book that he really enjoyed. Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Core Rule Book, V2.

"Light, this book has the most smashing pictures! It even has a catalogue to buy weapons, though it doesn't provide a number to call, and what not.

"Dang it, I really need to learn L's full name so I can kill that arrogant son of a sombrero. And for some reason, the name L really reminds me of Thanksgiving, and my 'friend' Larry. Anyway, can you tell me his name?" Light asked.

"Yes I can." Ryuk stated.

"What is it?" Light asked.

"What is what?" Ryuk asked.

"L's name!" Light answered.

"Why would I tell you that?" Ryuk asked.

"You just said you would!" Light said angrily.

"No I didn't." Ryuk said.

"Yeah you did!" Light said.

"Read the text carefully." Ryuk commanded.

"Quote Ryuk: Yes I can. Unquote." Light said.

"Keyword 'CAN'. I never said I _would._" Ryuk said.

"Ugh, I hate English grammar! I'm Japanese, for the sake of American Idol! (I know, we get kinda confused too. Just roll with it, okay? Good!)

"Is there anyway I can find out the name of a person without asking them?" Light asked Ryuk.

"Sure. You just need to possess **SHINIGAMI EYES.**" Ryuk stated proudly. "You can use them to see a person's name, lifespan, and if they still have their virginity! Do you want these eyes?" Ryuk asked.

"Hell yeah!" Light said.

"To complete the trade, you must give me…

YOUR VIRGINITY!" Ryuk yelled.

* * *

Will Light do this trade? Will he lose his virginity? Will he get a life? Will he ever get a Shocky Monkey? Will I stop asking retarded questions? Probably not, foos!

BOTH OF US: AWAIT THE NEXT CHAPTER AND DO SOME REVIEWS, JERK!

Wolflink93: And don't forget to…

Renodin: No, I wanna tell them!

Wolflink93: Noooooooo, me!

Both: Don't forget to read our other Death Note fanfic, the Adventures of L, Light'n, Larry! It is about when Light and L were young and buddies and they created Larry. They are both 10 years old. Our first episode will be posted on Thanksgiving, as it is a Thanksgiving, or Deathgiving, special! Yay! There will be more episodes in both of them. When we are temporarily bored with one story, we will work on the other. So, stay in school, watch some TV other than anime, and eat more than TV dinners! We will post the chapter on thanksgiving at 5 o'clock central

NOTE: Our story is based on the Japanese version of Death Note, not the English one on Cartoon Network. That is why the stalker called Light YAGAMI LIGHT instead of LIGHT YAGAMI.

NOTE TO Bishieluver01: We put in eggs in this chapter! Thanks for reading, and giving us something to write that would take up about half a page. Without the eggs, this chapter simply wouldn't be possible. So, everybody, November 21 will for now on be World Wide Egg Day! Eat eggs, throw eggs, chuck eggs, honor them, just celebrate the miraculous EGG! And everyone else who reads, go ahead and give us things you might want in the story. We will try to put them in, because it's pretty easy. All we have to do is find a very large prime number and multiply.

Dang, these things are just so hard to actually end!


	4. Chapter 4:episode 4:Pimple

Chapter 4

Episode 4

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note but we do own precious Hidden Valley ranch dressing.**

* * *

**LAST TIME ON DEATH PAPER: **"All you have to do is give me your VIRGINITY!" Ryuk yelled "WHAT WHAT" Ryuk added dramatically

* * *

"Did Ryuk really drop his piece of paper?" A Shinigami asked. 

"All of them!" another exclaimed.

"I will like never figure that guy out!" The king Shinigami said in a homosexual-like voice.

* * *

"Boom, shakalaka-laka-laka-boom-shakalaka-laka-laka-boom-shakalaka-laka-laka-BOOM!" Light said, twirling his hands around as well as spinning in his chair. 

"Where did that come from?" Ryuk asked.

"NO!" Light yelled in a constipated voice.

"WHAT, what what does that mean?" Ryuk asked.

"My virginity is MINE; until I meet that one special person under the price of $20.00" Light said.

"Well, what are you going to do now, and all that?" Ryuk asked.

"I have a plan to kill my stalker, (Woo Hoo!!!) And I'll need me a women by my side, soooo. Light picked up his cell phone dramatically and stated pushing the buttons in the tune of Mission Impossible. He put it up to his ear.

"Mushi Mushi?" The girl on the other line said.

"WHORE, howz 'bout ya'll come with me to Spaceland?" Light asked.

"Hell yeah, Light!" The other girl exclaimed, finding the title of whore to be honorable, coming from Light.

"Well Ryuk." Light said.

"Yeah?" Ryuk asked.

"LET'S GO!" Light said, with the lights turning red.

* * *

Light and the other girl (who we will call… how about Moe) arrived at a bus stop at the same time (WOAH!). Light's stalker was watching him from inside a baby carriage. 

"Light is going on a date. Not suspicious for a serious highschooler. The stalker thought writing down information.

His notepad read:

Milk

EGGS (FEAR THE EGGS!)

Butter

He got out of the carriage and followed Light onto a bus. The three sat in the back.

"Ya know, Light, I used to be man." Moe said.

"I don't care. I used to be a man to." Light retorted (Light is not gay or a woman, you DICK!) They stopped at another stop. A gross looking man with buck teeth came on. He pulled a gun and pointed it at the driver. At the same time, a mariachi band fell form the sky and landed on top of the bus. They started playing some nice festival music.

"ALRIGHT! Just do what I say, and nobody gets hurt… too bad!" The jacker said.

"Now, I am going to put away my guns, to make the mariachi band shut up, BUT, if you don't meet my demands, you'll die to the sound of MEXICAN MUSIC!" The jacker added as the bus lights on the roof turned blood red. Light leaned over to Moe.

"When he gets over here, I'll kick him in the balls." Light whispered.

"YEAH!" Moe yelled in a manly voice.

"No, it's too dangerous. I'll kick him in the balls." The stalker said.

"Who the hell are you? How do I know you isn't some crony of his?" Light asked in a hillbilly accent. (WTF he goes from gansta to hillbilly WTH is up with this story!)

* * *

"I wanted a toy with my Mighty Kid's Meal, damn it!" Matsuda yelled in the McDonald's restaurant that the bus drove by.

* * *

"We can communicate through note passing" Light said 

"No, we can just talk. He is partially deaf." The stalker said, after showing his ID card. It read Rey Pencil. (DUM DUM DUMMMMM!)

"Well, I'm gonna throw a sheet of paper at him just for fun!" Light said. He grabbed a sheet of paper from his Death Paper and threw it at the jacker, screaming "FIREBALL!" in a raspy and nasally voice (Go to my profile and click on the link there to see what it sounds like it all like lol, you may have to turn it up alot.). The jacker looked at Light. Light pointed at the paper.

"Pick-it-up!-Pick-it-up!" Light says over and over like a hyper kid.

5 minutes later……………bitch

"Hurry up and friggin pick-it-up!" Light commanded angrily. As the jacker leaned down to take it, he sees Ryuk… really needing to zip up his pants.

"Moe sure is hot and the like!" Ryuk exclaimed.

"FAGGOT!" The jacker yelled. He started to shoot at Ryuk. The mariachi band started to play again.

"Yo bullets won't hurt me, what what!" Ryuk said.

"Oh, I gotta quickly do this! I'm running, outta time!" The jacker stated. He dropped the gun and started to throw crayons at Ryuk.

"LIGHTNING BOLT!" He yelled as he threw the crayons, they went straight through Ryuk.

"I'm a Shinigami, so your human objects cannot harm me, and all that….foo!" Ryuk said. "That piece of paper must have been part of the Death Paper." Ryuk added.

"OMG! YOU DEMON!" The jacker yelled, jumping out a window. He rolled down the concrete, getting some bad scrapes and bruises. He looked up and saw… 2 SEMI TRUCKS… AND A TOYOTA! They drove over him, but the cars did not actually hit him. He stood up and thanked the Lord, just as an Ice Cream Truck fell from the sky and killed him.

"Crazy man try to kill Dracula! Dracula gonna get the heck outta here!" The bus driver said, pulling into a ditch. He jumped out the window and dissolved to dust. Everyone decided to get off the bus. Rey went up and talked to Light.

"You ain't gonna tell nobody I'm with the Federal Butts Incorporated, is ya?"

"Nope, I isn't." Light said. Rey nodded, put a towel over his head, and ran off, only hitting two walls. A boy popped out of the mouth of the corpse of the jacker.

"That's why you're #1, Light! I still worship that egg!" The fanboy said.

"BASINGAAAA!" Light yelled as the camera zoomed in on his face. He queerly winked as the camera faded out.

* * *

**Wolflink93: We are holding a chapter hostage (You see me holding a piece of paper pointing a gun to it) We demand that we have to have 20 reviews or we will not post the next chapter (The gun is for added effect.)**

**Renodin: Well, umm… Wolflink93 is kinda blaming me for this… and he is cutting off my bathroom and soda privileges until his previous demand is met… HELP ME, DAMN IT! I GOTTA PEE!**

**Note: WE ARE SERIOUS!!! **


	5. Chapter 5:episode 5:Typos

**Chapter 5**

**Episode 5**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Death Note but we do own a pet grasshopper!**

* * *

It was hard for Ray Pencil to get home with the towel on his head. 

CLNNFFF! He ran into a street light.

"HEY, YOU, WITH THE SKIN… AND TOWEL!" A man yelled at Rey.

"Huh?" Rey asked with a head ache.

"You just busted one of my red lights! "The man said. "And I'M the owner of Red Lights Incorporated."

"What, are you gonna sue me?" Rey asked.

"No, but… I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!" The guy exclaimed, grabbing, and shaking Rey's shirt.

* * *

"For 5 bucks, you better do a grand-sucking good job!" Afro guy said. 

"Don't worry; I'm really good with my hands!" Matsuda guaranteed.

"But FIRST, I'll need some training… He added.

(Mariachi band plays the rocky theme)

Matsuda ran down the street. He ran so fast, with those scissors in each of his hands. He also did pushups… WHILE HOLDING SCISSORS! He began punching out a bush, while trimming it at the same time!

_10 minutes later…_

"Okay, Afro guy... I'M READY!" Matsuda said. Matsuda started swinging wildly at Afro Guy's hair with scissors

_5 minutes later…_

"Alright! Look at my masterpiece in the mirror!" Matsuda said.

"It's… it's… IT'S PERFECT!" Afro guy said, looking at his hairdo which happened to be a replica of Spongebob.

* * *

CLUNCK! "DAMN IT!" Rey said, after bumping into his door. He took off the towel and walked inside the house. (After all it is common courtesy.) 

"I'm home!" Rey said, letting an incredibly deep and donkey-like sight. (See profile to see what it sounds like)

"Are you having stomach problems again?" Rey's fiancé asked. Then, the entire cast from Naruto came out of his bathroom, zipping up their pants. A radio on a dresser in the room started playing a catchy tune.

"Are you not feeling so pimpin? We got the solution to your… problem." Kakashi stated. Everyone started to sing.

"Mafia, crack, marijuana! Over priced hookers, grand theft auto! PIMPTO BITCHMAL!" The people sang, handing Rey a bottle of the chunky pink medicine. Rey shrugged and drank the whole bottle. He smashed the empty bottle on his forehead. "I feel even more pimpin!" Exclaimed Rey.

The Naruto cast went back into the bathroom.

"So what's on your mind?" Rey's fiancé asked. Ray thought it was quite odd that she was the only somewhat normal person he had met in this story.

"I feel my life is in danger. I had to show someone my ID. The bus I was on got jacked, and it was important, so I had to." Rey said.

"What happened to the jacker?" His fiancé asked, concerned.

"He snapped, he ended up calling the air a faggot and threw crayons, yelling 'lightning bolt' each time. Then he jumped out of the window and got hit by a flying ice cream truck." Rey answered.

"Do you think that it was the work of Kira?" His fiancé asked.

"Nah, it was just coincidink. You won't have to worry about that because you're not an FBI agent anymore. Now let's go somewhere and get busy." Rey said, standing up.

* * *

"So what are you doing, Light?" Ryuk asked. 

"I'm reading part of my diary from my childhood." Light answered, closing a book that read The Adventure's of L, Light'n, and Larry on the cover. (P.S. Read our second Death Note fanfic, The Adventure's of L, Light'n, Larry and please review I mean come on we need to know if were doing good with that story so please I beg you review for crying out loud and review this story I mean the only reason we're posting this story this week is because it's one of Wolflink93's friend's birthday… losers. Just to let you know we will not be posting another chapter till we get 20 reviews.)

"You know what, Ryuk?" Light asked.

"What, what what?" Ryuk asked back.

"I'm gonna go kill Rey Penba… I mean Rey Pencil!" Light said, writing some stuff in his notebook. (NOTE TO READER: Okay we kinda forgot about the part with mentioning the other 12 agents last episode, so this might be different, STFH!)

"How you gonna do that, and what not?" Ryuk asked.

"In some funny and humorous way that will fill a few paragraphs." Light answered. He started writing more in his Death Paper.

He died, The End.

Just kidding.

* * *

"I think I'll take a ride on the subway, Eat Fresh!" Rey Pencil exclaimed in a line to ride a subway. Eat fresh! 

"We don't care!" Another man in line said.

"DANG IT! I gotta pee!" He yelled running to the bathroom. When he arrived at the doors, there were signs, but there was one in-between the two doors. The sign had a picture of a man raping a woman.

"Which friggen door is it? What's up with that one sign?" Rey asked himself. Taking a leap of faith, he walked into the LEFT DOOR. Luckily… it WASN'T the man's bathroom. (WTF?) But, for some reason, there was a urinal in the corner of the bathroom.

Light was in the same bathroom, sitting in a sink, and eating soap-frosted cookies. Rey zipped down his pants and attempted to pee in the urinal from five feet away. Of course, he was just getting the floor. Light jumped out of the SINK and onto the floor. His pants were all wet, because the SINK was filled with… vegetable oil. He walked up behind Rey.

"Don't turn AROUND!" Light said, breathing down Rey's neck while he was peeing.

"Time to endorse lollypops!" Light said. He pulled a dum-dum from his pocket.

"Suckers. Suck it!" Light said, winking

"Well… whoever you are… can it wait until I'm done peeing?" Rey asked

"No it can't!" Light responded quickly.

"What do you want from me?" Rey asked, zipping up his pants; even though he was still going.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I'm actually KIRA." Light said in a weird voice that I cannot explain.

"Gee wilikers what do you want from me?" Rey asked.

"I wanna give you a Christmas present!" Light said sarcastically.

"Oh, for realz?" Rey asked.

"Okay I'm trying to kill you, but I need your death to take up a few paragraphs. So, I'm gonna make you do some unusual things to meet my stupid demands." Light explained.

"Oh, shit! Well… Well… You're gay!" Rey taunted.

* * *

"Which aisle has the yogurt?" Ryuk asked the lady at the counter at Reasols. She ignored him. 

"Did you hear me?" Ryuk asked repeatedly." Fine! IGNORE ME!" Ryuk yelled as the counter lady sucked her fingers delicately.

"Damn foo!" Ryuk said leaving.

* * *

"Have you run around the subway three times yet, eat fresh?" Light asked. 

"Si senor." Rey answered wearing a dashiki and a rainbow colored afro.

"Now, bathe yourself with a pop-tart, record it, and put it on Youtube." Light demanded.

"But the last time I did that I was sued so hard!" Rey complained. Light walked up to him and shoved his face into the concrete. Then suddenly Rey started to eat the dirt. He laughed maniacally and fell down, dead.

"Farewell… Rey Pencil…" Light said. Light looked around.

"Hey, why aren't the lights turning red?" Light asked. A fat guy came up to him.

"You didn't pay your bill, but… I love your PANTS!" The man said shaking Light's pants… damn, it looked wrong.

* * *

"This place has good soup!" Matsuda exclaimed in a dumpster behind Reasol's

* * *

(Script from Light's Death Paper) 

Rey pencil dirt poisoning. Goes to the subway station, Eat fresh. Has the urge to go urinate. Enters the ladies restroom. Tries to urinate into the conviently placed urinal from five feet away. He tries to meet KIRA'S demands. KIRA smashes Rey's face into the dirt. Rey eats the dirt and gets dirt poisoning.

* * *

**Renodin: Well we…**

**Wolflink93: SHUT UP NOBODY LIKES YOU!!!**

**Renodin: You know that hurts, that really, **_**really**_** hurts!**

**Wolflink93: Like when you get stabbed by a chimichunga.**

**Renodin: I'm not sure what that actually is…**

**Wolflink93: (Makes goofy smile.) Me too!**

**Renodin: ANYWAY… we didn't put the other FBI agents in… BUT FOR A GOOD REASON. Ya see here sonny, in the last chapter we were trying to figure out which song the people should sing on the bus. Then we forgot about the other FBI agents, and… we forgot to throw in Bohemian Rhapsody.**

**Wolflink93: But we flipped a bottle cap, and it landed on its side! So we decided to throw in Another One Rides the Bus by Weird Al Yankovich.**

**Renodin: But we forgot to throw it in.**

**Wolflink93: Pansy.**

**NOTE: The only reason you're getting this chapter is because of (We explained it during the story) We will not post another chapter till we get 20 reviews. Goodbye you… pansies**


	6. Chapter 6:episode 6:Undressing

**Death Paper**

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, but we do own our grandmother's pantyhose! **

* * *

Soichiro, Matsuda, and the Afro Guy were all shopping for their feminine needs at the great store known as Reasol's.

After buying their large quantity of feminine products, they quickly ran toward the Candy-sek-chun of the store. Their swift running slowed to a walk when they saw some guy in the aisle, filling a bag with gum balls. He had messy blue hair, bags under his eyes, a white shirt, blue jeans, and no shoes.

"For some reason…" Soichiro began to say. "I feel the odd urge to poke that boy!" He pulled a long stick out of his pocket and dropped his tampons. He proceeded over the queer and commenced to pokin'! The strange boy dramatically and in slow motion, dropped his candy bag. The candy went all over the floor! The guy put his hands in the shapes of guns, pointed them at the gang of po-pos and said; "BANG, Bang, baaaaanggg… If I were KIRA you'd be dead right now." He said "I AM L!" L exclaimed to the world. L then noticed something was off.

"Hey, aren't there supposed to be two more po-pos with you." L pointed out.

"Well, uhhh…" Afro guy said, sweating

* * *

Akita and Mogi were hanging, and spinning, by their necks in the freezer section of the store. (We didn't want to include them!)

* * *

"They aren't able to make it… EVER!" Afro guy yelled.

"Okay." L said.

"Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… you wanna catch KIRA?" Soichiro asked.

"Sure! Some how, I feel like I've known him for a long time, along with a guy named Larry." L said.

* * *

"Ya know what, Ryuk?" Light asked.

"What do I know, what what?" Ryuk asked.

"I think I should give up the Death Note, find me a real woman who knows how to make Wednesday style pancakes the way I like em', and live happily ever after." Light said.

"…….." Ryuk didn't say anything for a while.

"What do you think?" Light asked.

"I've never thought you were such a bitch like I do now." Ryuk said.

"You also said that whenever I took away your bath biscuits!" Light said.

"You had no right!" Ryuk exclaimed.

"If I didn't the Belly Bangers would've killed us all!" Light exclaimed.

* * *

"Do you wanna be a master of POKEMON?" The Belly Bangers break danced to their favorite song while on vacation in Ohio.

* * *

_Rey Pencil's Apartment…_

_Rey's fiancé, who we will call Sarah Pencil, since we forgot her real name…_

Sarah was on her couch, in the fettle position going a little kwai-zee.

"Rey isn't dead! He just went to the store! He wanted some starbucks, kiwi fruit, and pencils! I know how much he likes pencils! And Naruto Won't get out of my bathroom!" She said all that in less than a second.

* * *

"Believe it!" Naruto said sitting on the toilet in a pinched strained voice.

Sarah was drinking a 36 ounce glass of orange juicy juice. Suddenly she realized something. She spit her mouthful of juice all over… ALL OVER… all over the TV set.

"KIRA killed my fiancé!" She exclaimed, zipping up her pants and putting down the photo of Rey. She ran out the door to the Po-Po station.

* * *

"Light! Get your ass down here!" His mom yelled.

"What the HELL do you want?" Light asked, coming downstairs.

"Go give your dad here bag 'o' clothes!" The mommy said.

"What is in it?" Light asked.

"CLOTHES!" Mommy yelled immediately after Light asked. "Now get out!" Mommy yelled, kicking Light out.

"Fine, but… I'm gonna hold my breath when I get back!" Light said, walking to the Po-Po station.

* * *

Sarah walked through the Po-Po station doors and walked up to the counter. A man was sleeping on the counter. She rang the bell. The man started to wake up, sleep talking.

"I'm not a machine!" He said, waking up.

"Welcome to the Po-Po station? Are you here to report a crime, give information, or maybe you're here for suicide hour?" The guy askd.

"I have information about KIRA." She said.

"Sorry, but for the safety of the public, we have to say KIRA doesn't exist. So, there is no such thing as KIRA. You crazy bitch!" The guy said.

"But he killed my fiancé!" She said.

"No he didn't." The dude said.

"Then who did?" She asked.

"I did?" He said, shrugging, Light walked in through the door, holding the bag with his teeth.

"I need to drop these clothes off for SOICHIRO." Light said.

"Okay, we'll see that he gets it." The dude said.

"Yeah, you better." Light said. The dude nodded and walked off with the bag. He walked into a bathroom Soichiro was inside, putting make up on his fingernails.

"Here is your clothes." The dude said, taking a jar of mayonaise out of the bag and tossing it to Soichiro.

"Okay, please leave, I gotta let my nails dry." Soichiro told the dude, lifting his hands up, showing off his pretty wittle naile. The dude left.

"Those changes are normal, just so you know." The dude said as he left.

"Good no one can see!" Soichiro said, slowly moving his hand toward his pants.

Soichiro looked around once more to check if anyone was in the bathroom with him. He continued to sloooowly reach down toward his pants. He quickly zipped them up, and immediatly smashed the jar of mayonaise onto his chest afterward. The glass shattered, causing him to bleed. He rubbed the mayo all over his body.

* * *

_Back at the po-po station entrance..._

Light ran quickly and hit the wall. His eyes were widened, he was breathing deeply, and he was terrified. Then, he stood up and looked normal. He lowered his head and began to laugh maniacally.

"Ummm, Light...That isn't until episode 37, and what not." Ryuk said, tapping Light on the shoulder.

"Really?" Light asked. "Then why are we in the warehouse?" He asked.

"This is just what the po-po station looks like, what what." Ryuk told him.

"Ohhhhhhh, I see." Light said. He patted his hair down to make himself look normal, and walked back to the counter. Sarah was looking at him strangely.

"What the HELL are you here for?" Light asked in a low pitched voice, emphasizing the word hell.

"I'm here with information on the KIRA case." She said. "But the po-pos just think I'm crazy." She added.

"Everyone thinks you're crazy." Light said.

"Everyone thinks you're gay." Sarah said mockingly. Light gasped.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Light screamed, pointing at her.

"It's true. So many people are making stupid little fan fictions about you and L being gay and loving each other." Sarah told him.

"Nuh-uh! I haven't even met L yet, so you can...you can...shut up!" Light said, crossing his arms and looking away.

_This hot chick must be Rey Pencil's fiancé. _Light thought. He looked at her. She stared back.

"What?" She asked.

"Lets go walk down the street and discuss stuff about how much you hate KIRA and how you want to find him because he killed your fiancé Rey!" Light suggested in a happy (and somewhat gay) tone.

"Okay!" Sarah obliged (I learned a new word today!)

* * *

"Is anyone in here?" Matsuda asked, knocking on the bathroom door of the po-po station. He waited a few seconds for an answer, and started to reach for the doorknob, when Soichiro opened it. Matsuda gasped at the site of Soichiro, his chest covered in blood and mayonaise, and pieces of glass in his skin.

"Get me a towel!" Soichiro commanded, pointing out the door. Matsuda saluted his chief and ran off, making sure his skirt didn't go up to high as he skipped along.

* * *

Light and Sarah were walking down the corpse covered street.

"What is up with all these dead people?" Sarah asked, poking a dead guy with a stick.

"There was a big sale at Reasol's. Buy one, get sixteen free." Light said. "I bought a Wii, and gave the extra sixteen to all my fat friends." Light added.

"I wish I had a Wii..." Sarah said sheepishly, crossing her arms and puffing out her lips like a little four year old.

"Ahh, you sad!" Light said, sounding incredibly homosexual on the word 'ahh'.(Remember to read The Adventures of L, Light, and Larry!)

They walked for about 10 minutes, just stepping over corpses.

"So, what do you want?" Sarah asked.

"I WANT TO KILL YOU!" Light exclaimed, looking her in the face with evil maniacal eyes.

"What?" She asked.

"I didn't say anything!" Light told her. "You're crazy." He added.

* * *

"Watari! Get me some tropical fruit bubalicous, some skittles, some tea, some sugar cubes, some animal crackers, and some...soup." L commanded.

"Why-don't-you-get-it-your-self-uck?" Watari asked.

"Because I'm HUNGRY!" L yelled, spitting all over Watari's face.

* * *

"Tell me everything you know about KIRA, and nobody gets hurt." Light ordered.

"Why would I get hurt?" Sarah asked.

"You could trip over a rock and skin your knee!" Light said, threateningly.

"Damn, I can't risk that." She said, scared.

"And tell me your name!" He added.

"And do you wear glasses?" Light said, queerly making rings around his eyes with his fingers.

"Well… no, but, I think KIRA can manipulate the times of death of who he kills." Sarah stated.

_That ass squealed on me!_ Light thought looking over at Ryuk, who was chugging a bottle of Pimpto Bitchmal.

"Why are you drinking that? Are you feeling not so pimpin?" Sarah asked.

"That's what Rey drank the day before he died." Sarah said, depressed.

"Shut up!" Light screamed.

"What else do you want to know?" Sarah asked.

"Why don't women stand when they pee?" Light asked. "Could you show me an example?" He added. It brought her back soooo many memories.

"Rey made me show him that all the time. He just couldn't keep it in his head… or his pants." She said.

"Did you happen to record that?" Light asked.

"Yeah it's all over Youtube." She said, proudly. "I suggested that!" She declared.

* * *

Light's sister was on her couch, wearing nothing but a sheet of lettuce. She had a pack of hotdogs.

"I'm gonna pretend you're the Oklahoma Steers!" She said, eagerly.

* * *

"Well, I'm going to report you to the Crazy Hospital. What is your name?" Light asked.

"I'm Alfred Yankovich." Sarah said. Ryuk began to make scoffing-donkey-noises.

_WTF was that? _Light thought.

"Well, Alfred, can you turn around… just for a second?" Light asked.

"Sure!" She said, spinning away from Light. Light began to write her name in a sheet of the Death Paper.

"UHGAHUQUYE!" Light said, while writing down _Alfred Yankovich_.

"Light……………. That's a fake name…" Ryuk said, "And also can you pass the Grey poupon? He asked.

_Fake name...? _Light thought._Grey poupon...? _

"Well, I guess we should head back to the po-po station." Sarah said.

"Nuh-uh!" Light exclaimed. "Not until I find out your real name!" Light added.

"What did you say?" Sarah asked.

"Ummm...I said...I wanna be the Pirate King!" Light yelled.

"So did Rey..." She said, depressed.

"Shut up!" Light screamed.

* * *

"Someone get me as stick!" Light's mom yelled, reaching under the couch. "I dropped the TV under the couch!" She added.

* * *

"So, Light...what the hell are we supposed to do for the rest of this episode?" Ryuk asked.

"I don't know...we have to save a lot of the conversation for the next episode." Light said quietly so Sarah wouldn't hear him.

"Well, since you won't let me go back to the po-po station...LETS GO TO REASOL'S!" Sarah exclaimed.

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAYYYYY!" Light yelled as they skipped along the corpse covered street to the great store that would one day conquer the world.

* * *

Renodin(da man): We had to end this episode quickly. In the next episode, we needed to save some of the stuff we were going to do in this episode to put in it. So... screw you.

Wolflink93: Yo, my homie G pop tart grandmas! Read my other story, called the Alethia Note. It is actually a serious(seriously) story. It is a cross over of Death Note and His Dark Materials.

Renodin: And the reason why the other two cops were dead was because we simply didn't want to include them.


	7. Chapter 7:episode 7:Overcoat

**Death Paper: Episode 7**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: We do not own Death Note. We only own our right to breathe, and we're in debt.**

**Before Note: Yeah, yeah, we know we haven't updated in a long time. We were mixed up in our spin-off story to this one, The Adventure's of L, Light'n, Larry. We were making, like, three different chapters for that at once, and we just kinda...stopped. But after watching Death Note recently. We decided it might be time to pull these folded sheets of paper out of our pockets and write some more.**

* * *

Before Note 2: In our previous chapters we called Ray's fiancé Sarah Pencil, as we couldn't remember her name. But now that we know it, we'll be calling her Naomi Misora.

"When we last saw Light Yagami, he was trying to figure out Naomi's name so he could kill her. They began to skip off joyfully to the wonderful store known as Reasols." The narrator said, sitting on the ground in the middle of the road.

Light began to laugh maniacally as he stood over Naomi's corpse. Ryuk floated up to him.

"Woah, Light, how the heck did you do that, and what not? She just... bloody died!" He stated, shocked. Light looked down at her, and his eyes widened.

"Oh crap! How'd that happen? I was just laughing about a joke I remembered from The Simpsons, and now... she's... dead..." Light said, with the word 'dead' echoing in the distance.

"DEEEEEAAAAAD!" A chorus of people who happened to be next to Light sang.

Light looked back over at the chorus and stared at them. After about five minutes, they picked up their stands and sheet music and walked off.

"If we are going to find out what happened, we're going to have to look for clues." Light said. The camera zoomed in on his face. He clapped his hands twice, and the lighting changed to make his hair and eyes red.

"...Blue's Clues..." He said, spitting on the camera. The chorus that had disbanded all stopped where they were and began to sing one extremely high note, like they always do at dramatic events.

* * *

Matsuda ran through the forest, sweating and gasping for air. He tripped over a tree root and fell on his face. He turned onto his back, looking up. He saw his pursuer. It was a man, dressed in all black. He lifted up his hand, slowly, and aimed it at Matsuda.

"...Bang." The man said, motioning his hand as if it were a gun. Matsuda screamed and held his arm, as if it were bleeding, he hopped up to his feet and ran further. But the mystery man wasn't done yet. He acted as if he pulled something out of his pocket. He put it up to his mouth and acted like he tugged something with his teeth. He spit, and did the motion of throwing at Matsuda.

"...Boom." The man said, and Matsuda flew high into the air, screaming in pain. He fell down and hit the ground...

The mystery man took off his black mask. It was L!!

"If I was Kira, you'd be dead right now." He said. He waited for Matsuda to give one of his witty little comments.

"Ummm Matsuda?"

* * *

"Alright Larry, play me some piano!" Light said to his imaginary friend, and a piano started playing in a big concert platform that appeared in the road. It began playing a catchy child's tune.

"Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues!" Light began singing as Ryuk played a harmonica.

"We gotta find a paw print! That's the first clue! We put it in our notebook 'cause they're

Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues!" Light said, showing an example by drawing a picture in his Death Paper.

"We find another paw print! That's the second clue! We put it in our notebook 'cause they're who's clues? Blue's Clues!" He drew a picture of his father in a jar of mayonnaise.

"We find the last paw print! We found the last clue! We put it in our notebook 'cause they're who's clues? Blue's Clues!" He sang out. He ran toward the dumpster behind Reasols and jumped in.

"We sit down in our thinking chair and THINK!" He said as he landed in the dumpster.

"THINK!" He sang.

"THIII-iiink!" He sang, climbing out of the dumpster, nearly ripping his pants.

"'Cause when we use our minds, we take a step at a time, we can DO! Any-THING!" He sang, ducking as Ryuk jumped over him, his face nearly hitting the camera.

"That we wanna do!" He finished, doing a lame jazz hand. Afterword, he pulled out his microphone

"HIT IT!" He yelled. Ryuk and Larry began playing random notes on drums and guitars, while Light screamed mindlessly.

* * *

"Watari! Get your ass over here and tell me what the heck is wrong with the remote!" L yelled, sitting on a couch, watching a video of Ray Pencil falling over. "I wanna watch Bleach!" Watari came in and took the remote. He looked closely at it.

"The-problem-is-uck..." He started to say. He chunked the remote at the TV, blowing it up.

"You-are-a-piece-of-crap-who-eats-too-much-fu-ck!" Watari yelled in a monotone voice. A tear slowly dripped from L's eye.

* * *

"WHAT'S UP PEOPLE! WHAT'S UP PEOPLE! WHAT'S UP!" Light screamed over and over as Larry and Ryuk continued to play mindlessly. Ryuk tossed his guitar asside.

"Light, shouldn't we be looking for clues?" He asked. Light stopped singing and slowly turned to Ryuk.

"...what?" He asked.

"Shouldn't we be looking for clues? I mean, if we don't, people will find her corpse, and they might think you're KIRA, and..." Ryuk went on as Light stared at him. His eyes began to twitch. He was immediately in front of Ryuk, choking him.

"CLUES!? CLUES?! YOU WANNA LOOK FOR CLUES?! WE DON'T LOOK FOR CLUES!" He screamed, spitting blood. He took multiple deep breaths, and Ryuk's face was disoriented. Light suddenly calmed down and smiled.

"We look for Blue's Clues." He said, shoving Ryuk down. "Newb." He said, walking away.

* * *

"I sure do hope I don't get sexually molested!" Soichiro said in the room with L, Afro Guy, Watari, and Matsuda. "Wink-wink!" He added. Everyone looked at him strangely.

* * *

"Light! I found a clue, what what!" Ryuk said, pointing at something on the ground. Light looked at Ryuk oddly.

"A shooooooeeeee?" He asked.

"Uhhh... a clue... and all that..." Ryuk said.

"Mary suuuuuuueeeee?" He asked with a smug smile.

"I found a bloody clue, jackass!" Ryuk yelled.

"Ohhhhh, a clue. Why didn't you just say so?" Light shrugged. A bunch of five year olds off screen began laughing. He walked over to what Ryuk was pointing at. It was a bullet shell with a blue pawprint on it. Light gasped and pointed at it.

"A CLUE!!" He screamed. "We better put this in our handy dandy Death Paper!" He said, doodling a bullet shell in his Death Paper. He closed it up and put it in his pocket.

"Alright, we have... a bullet shell." Light said, with his poorly drawn picture floating above his head. "But how did Naomi Misora die... with only a bullet shell?" He asked. The picture went away. "We better find more clues." He said, walking away.

* * *

"Chief Yagami, if we could get your son to work with us on the KIRA case, then..." L began. Soichiro slapped him.

"Are you crazy? He was molested enough as a child! He doesn't need an _orphan_ to molest him too!" He shouted. A tear began to come from L's eye.

* * *

"Light! I found another clue!" Ryuk said, pointing at something. Light zipped up his pants and turned around.

"A doooo-"

"Just get over here, what what!" Ryuk yelled. Light walked over to Ryuk. Light gasped.

"A CLUE!!" He yelled, pointing at it. It was a gun with a blue pawprint on it. "We better write this down!" Light said, pulling out his handy dandy Death Paper. He began to doodle a gun. He closed up the book and his two drawings appeared above his head.

"Let's see. We got a bullet shell, and a gun. But how could Naomi Misora die with only a gun... and a bullet shell..." Light said, making various thinking faces. "Maybe, she put shoes on the gun, and the gun tripped over the bullet shell, and fell on her!" He said. A bunch of offscreen five year olds yelled in unison, "Nooooooooo!" The pictures went away. "Aw, screw you kids!" Light said, walking off.

Light and Ryuk were walking down the street, looking for their last clue, when they heard something. A voice that seemed to come from every direction!

"Mail time, mail time, mail time, MAAAIIILLL TIIIIIMMME!" The voice screamed. Ryuk ducked for cover. Light smiled. He began to dance in a manner of swinging his arms back in forth.

"Here's the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail! MAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!" He screamed. He ran over to a public mail box and pushed a lady in a wheel chair out of the way to get to it. He dug through it and pulled out an oversized colorful envelope.

"The mail is here!" He said, grinning. He ripped the envelope open and took out a sheet of paper. "Hey, it's from Big Momma!" He said happily. A thought bubble appeared over his head, with a bunch of five year olds in it. The thought bubble showed them, and other kids from all over the world, while the voice of a fat man spoke.

_Dear Light Yagami..._

_If you ever want to see your mother again, you'll leave all of you money and the Death Paper under the park bench at midnight! _

_Love, Big Momma_

Light tossed the letter on the ground.

"It was junk mail." He said, walking off with Ryuk.

* * *

L and Matsuda were in a store, buying candy, when they walked past a water fountain.

"I'm going to get a drink." Matsuda said. L quietly followed him to it. While Matsuda was drinking from the fountain, L grabbed him by his hair and began shoving his face into the water spout over and over.

"You like water!? Huh!? You like your water, honkey!? Drink yo water!" He yelled, shoving over and over again.

* * *

"If I was a clue where would I be?" Light asked himself, with an object on the ground glowing in front of him.

"Liiiiiiiight it's in front of you!" A bunch of 5 year old kids yelled off screen.

"Shut up I'm trying to think!" Light yelled, annoyed.

"But it's a clue…" A kid in the back shyly said.

"I'm sick and tired of all of you kids POPPING out of nowhere and making stupid assumptions!!" Light scolded.

"But Ligh—" Ryuk began, before being interrupted by Light.

"Shut up Ryuk! I'm not done!" Light yelled, knocking Ryuk down. "We're going to have to set some ground rules when this is over." Light yelled at Ryuk. He then looked back at the kids.

"I don't even know why I even listen to you!! You guys are just 5… YEARS… OLD!!" Light yelled, with a crazy look in his eyes.

"But were your friends…. And there's a clue in front of you!!" A kid in the front yelled.

"My _friends_ aren't 5 years old." Light yelled. "And I'll show you a clue!!" Light yelled, taking out the gun they found, and shooting all of the kids off screen until it was now a bloody, decomposing, scene off screen. Light was now breathing heavily with Ryuk staring at him shocked.

"Uhm… Light?" Ryuk said.

"**WHAT!!**" Light screamed, suddenly turning to Ryuk.

"There… uhm… really was a clue in front of you…" Ryuk said, picking up the object, which was at Light's feet.

There was a moment of silence….

"Oh…" Light said. Light then suddenly turned back to his cheery self. "It's a cluuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeee!" Light said, cheerily.

"What is it!?" Light asked, taking the note that had a blue paw print on the back of it from Ryuk's hand. "It seems to be MAIIIIILLLL!!" Light sang, reading it.

_Dear, whoever finds this…_

_I just could not stay in this world knowing that I would never be able to avenge my fiancé's death… and the fact that Friends has been cancelled… I… just… couldn't… live without my Ray Pencil… So, I shot myself. As for the blue paw prints… I just couldn't resist_

_Lovingly shot herself, Naomi Misora… Previously Sarah Pencil…_

_P.S. can somebody get Naruto out of my bathroom!_

"Aha so the case is solved!" Light said, satisfied.

"Yup, Naomi AKA Sarah… shot herself…" Ryuk said. Ryuk was suddenly pushed toward the wall with someone holding his neck.

"No! You Newb! She didn't kill herself!" Light yelled.

"Im… poss….I…able…" Ryuk managed to strain out.

"I know who the real culprit is!" Light exclaimed, letting go of Ryuk.

"Who?" Ryuk asked.

"This piece… OF PAPER!" Light yelled, holding the piece of paper up dramatically. Ryuk made a donkey scoffing noise to say he didn't believe it.

"You see it was an elaborate clever plan made by this piece of paper. You see he called up the gun for a night out on the town. He then purposely led him to where Naomi would be… Where he had his friend bullet shell waiting, who was also in on the plan. And when he saw Naomi come by… The piece of paper pushed down the gun, to make it fall on the bullet, forcing it to ricochet all over the place until it hit Naomi. Then for it to seem like an accident, he called up his friend pen... to make him write a note detailing the "suicidal death" of one Naomi Misora." Light explained, hitting himself in the forehead. "Why didn't I see it before? Piece of paper and bullet shell… you're coming with me." Light said gruffly, putting hand-cuffs around the objects. "And also gun you're coming with me. For making me kill those innocent children."

"Light… that doesn't make any sense, and what not. And you were the one who killed those children" Ryuk said.

"Yes it does! And no I didn't… gun's kill people not people!" Light yelled, with a crazy look in his eyes. "Now let's go!" Light commanded, walking off to the police to turn the objects in.

"Whatever, what what." Ryuk muttered.

"Wait!" A figure exclaimed, behind them. Light then turned around with Ryuk doing the same.

"They didn't do it… I did!" The figure said, stepping forward showing who he was. Light and Ryuk gasped in surprise.

"Bill Cosby!" Light and Ryuk exclaimed in unison.

"Yes, I did it…" Bill said.

"But… why?" Light asked.

"I was tired of her always talking about pencils! That's why I wanted her out of this fanfic!" Bill yelled, pulling out an object. "Fudge pop?" Bill asked, gesturing if they wanted one.

"That's not a good reason! We all got tired of it! During our six month vacation from Death Paper, did you ever see one of us pull out a gun and shoot her?" Light asked. "Sure I've been tempted from time to time… But I didn't do it DID I?" Light added.

"No…" Bill said, ashamed.

"Then how about we make a deal?" Light asked, going up to Bill. "If you give me that Fudge pop these objects go in your place. And we'll all forgive you." Light proposed.

"Okay." Bill said, handing Light the fudge pop.

"Oh how I waited for this moment." Light whispered, with the chorus singing in the background as he ate the fudge pop.

* * *

_One fudge pop, one ditching of Bill Cosby and one walk to the police later…_

"It feels good to bring objects to justice!" Light said, satisfied.

"Wow the police are really stupid these days. It's almost like they don't pay attention to what they lock up. Wouldn't be surprised if there was a Bath Biscuit locked up in a prison somewhere. And what's a fanfic" Ryuk commented.

"I… don't…know." Light said, astonished. "Anyways let's lay down some ground rules…" Light said evilly, pulling out a whip.

* * *

"So, L how was your 6 month vacation?" Matsuda asked as he walked into the room with a brief case. L was sitting in the dark watching TV.

"What 6 month vacation?" L asked surprised.

"We had a 6 month vacation unexpectedly because the authors got lazy and stopped working on this fanfic." Soichiro explained also walking in the room, butting in on the conversation wearing a cheeseburger costume with a side order of fries.

"Yeah, Wolflink93 and Renodin got a little bit to much absorbed in The Adventures of L, Light and, Larry. Then after that they stopped. With Wolflink93 working on a fanfic by himself called How Do You Like Them Apples! It took us awhile to figure out that we were on vacation we figured it out around the first month. We then all packed our bags and left." Matsuda stated, advertising Wolflink93's story How Do You Like Them Apples! Which can be found in his profile.

"Why didn't anybody tell me!?" L asked.

"We thought you knew." Afro Guy said, walking in with a briefcase.

"Yeah." Matsuda said. Everybody then left the conversation at that as they went back to work on the KIRA case.

L then looked up from his paper, that he was reading, to ask a question. "What the hell is a fanfic?" Soichiro, Afro Guy, and Matsuda looked at L, and then at each other. They then looked back at L.

"We… don't… know…" They all said in unison.

* * *

**Wolflink93: There you go peoples the 7****th**** chapter of Death Paper. Also check out my story How Do You Like Them Apples. Summary: ****"Apple Inc," L gasped. "I thought I killed you?" L and Light are rudely thrown into an apple-infested world, where apples rule supreme. Apple Inc, 4Kids, Appleology, and Bill Nye now stand in his way.**

**Renodin: And also review! **


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